They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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