I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
