these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
