Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
