Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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