dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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