you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
