i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
