I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
