Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
