how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
