Barsexuality is the new black.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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