They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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