i think my mom watched the whole time
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
