Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
