i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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