his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
