we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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