On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
