Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
