Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
