I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
