We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
