what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
