Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
