I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
