i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have already put on my inside pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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