And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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