I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
