That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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