I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
