Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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