something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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