idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
