So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
