Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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