Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
