Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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