Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
