he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
