We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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