headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
