i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
