2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
