i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
