I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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