I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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