so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
