we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
