almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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