all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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