Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
