Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
whose parrot is this?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
