...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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