Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
